So you were having a hard time falling asleep tonight. Just playing and tossing and turning on my lap, doing whatever you could do to keep yourself awake. Well I finally got you to calm down a little and I’m rocking with you, singing “our song”. I finish the song and you have been still so I figure you are dozing off. Nope, you sit straight up and start clapping for me!! Hahahahahahahaha, I lost it!!!

You crack me up I love you!

Mama

That’s how many days since the day you were born.

That’s how many days I’ve been madly in love with you.

Mommy

We dropped mommy off at the airport this morning so she could go hang with some girls in Sacramento. We had to get up at like 6am, and you were already awake!! You were just sitting in your crib in your pitch-black room, looking around saying “dah” (which means that or yeah, depending on the moment).

Mommy was pretty strong at the airport. She could have cried if she wanted to, but I could tell she was holding it back.

We got in the car, just you and me, and headed home. We didn’t make it there, because we had to stop at THE GOOD EGG for some manly breakfast. You ate 4 eggs, you little fatty. And like half a banana.

I’ve got a wedding to officiate tonight, so you’ll have a babysitter for a few hours… but then I’ll be back, and we’ll party. Tomorrow and Sunday I’ve gotta preach, so Nana is coming to town to watch you while I’m at work!

I hope you enjoy these little details when you get older. I think we write all of this so that you can enjoy it, but also because we have no idea what to do with all this gratitude and joy you bring us. This little blog is one way it overflows.

I just put you down for a nap, so I guess I have an hour or three to chill by myself. What the heck does mom do when you’re sleeping? I wanna wake you up so we can play. Maybe I’ll go fold some socks, or knit, or eat or… something.

Wake up so we can play.

Love,

DADA

I just want to say that every day I fall more in love with you, when just the day before I thought there was no way that was possible. This morning, I came walking down the stairs where you were in the family room with Daddy. You were standing at your little play kitchen that Aunt Kari got you when you turned and caught my eyes. Your face lit up and flooded with your sweet smile. You dropped a toy you were holding in one hand and took off running towards me. On the way, you threw the toy you were holding in your other hand and rounded the corner. Your arms went up in the air as you reached for me to pick you up. I could have melted into a puddle right there on the floor as I swooped you up and you wrapped your arms around my neck. (Oh, you are doing this new thing where you pat my back with your little hand when you hug me…it’s the most precious thing on the planet!)

I love that you’re learning how to show affection. I love being an object of that affection. You give kisses freely (even to my belly for the baby). You know how to give hugs. You have learned what silly faces make me and Daddy laugh the most. You run away from us when we’re trying to get something from you that you shouldn’t have, but you always turn back around towards us, grin while scrunching up your little face, and giggle. You’re ornry You wave to e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e!! I’m not kidding. Even the ladies at the church child care joke about you being the little greeter because you wave to every parent and child as they come and go. I love that about you. Never lose that.

We delight in you Griffin and I can’t wait to watch you grow even more in this next year…especially as you become a big brother!

I’m your biggest fan.

Love,

MA-MA (you still won’t say it when we ask you to…you’ll get there, Dada is just easier to say…)

This time last week we were preparing to take you to Phoenix Children’s Hospital for surgery on your bladder/ureter. Wow, what a crazy feeling it was to know that our little baby boy would be put under anesthesia, cut open, and have a surgeon work on one of your organs.

I think the hardest part for me was the news that you needed surgery and then the anticipation up to that day. For some reason, I do much better with every thing once I’m in the situation and things are happening. We checked in and hung out mostly in the pre-op play room where another little boy just 6 days older than you was also waiting to go into surgery. Finally, a nurse came to get us, she asked us a few questions, took you out of Daddy’s arms and then walked through some double doors where we stood (kind of in shock at how quickly she took you away). Maybe they make the transition quick because they know that its probably better for all parties involved, but the tears came as I realized I didn’t even get to give you a kiss before you were taken back. Daddy and I decided to go down to the cafeteria and get some lunch, I hadn’t eaten much because I felt bad eating in front of you when I knew you were hungry but weren’t allowed to eat. We got our food and sat down and pretty much stared at each other. When your baby is in surgery, you don’t really feel like making “small talk”. Two of Mommy’s girlfriends, Alexis and Toni, came to keep us company while we waited and they brought you a cute, blue monkey stuffed animal.

The doctor had told us that the surgery would last anywhere from 1-2 hours so at about the 2 hour mark, we made our way back up to the waiting room. Daddy didn’t do well with the waiting at that point. He kept checking his phone and fully admitted that his “control issues” were being worked on because he just wanted to be in there making sure everyone did their jobs! I was the opposite…I knew you were in good hands and I just trusted that everyone was doing what they were supposed to be doing. I think I realized that there wasn’t anything I could do but pray. At about 20 minutes past the two hour mark, Dr. Nguyen came out and told us that your surgery went great, they did have to put a stint in, and that you’d be back in recovery in about 10 minutes then we could go back and see you. Daddy and I just hugged and I turned to Alexis and Toni who both had tears streaming down their faces. I hadn’t even realized that Daddy was a mess. I think I’ve only seen him cry one, maybe two times. “I was so scared”, he said to me. I think in that moment, the weight of Daddy’s love for you crashed down heavy on me, and I was taken back by how one little boy could hold a grown man’s heart so tightly.

We were walked back to recovery and turned a corner to see you just opening your eyes and trying to sit up like a drunken frat boy! It didn’t surprise me that you were already trying to be on the move coming out of anesthesia, but you were so groggy and discombobulated. I couldn’t wait to get my arms around you and once I picked you up, I don’t think I set you down for a few hours. They even wheeled you up to your room by letting me climb into your bed with you on my lap! One of the church’s new pastors, Shelley, came to visit and sit with us and that was a real blessing. We barely even know her yet, but she was so supportive and helped us make you about 3-4 bottles of apple juice because that’s all that would keep you happy! You were very grumpy and uncomfortable, which was probably the hardest part for me. You are rarely grumpy and fussy so to see you upset and not be able to verbally console you was very hard on me. At that point, I was doing whatever I could do for you…all the apple juice and snuggles you wanted!

The following hours in your hospital room were a little hectic. Once we thought we finally had you settled in and asleep on Daddy’s lap, we noticed lots of blood leaking out from your blanket. Talk about freak out! I ran down the hall to get your nurse and as she checked you, we realized your IV had come out. So began the long process of trying to get it back in. The IV team was called and lets just say, I never want to watch you go through getting an IV again. I just couldn’t imagine you being in that room alone so we sat by you, trying our best to distract you to no avail. Finally, you were all set, and we climbed in bed (yes, they brought in a big bed so I could sleep next to you) and fell asleep.

You slept pretty good that night, Daddy probably slept ok despite the little recliner “bed” he had, and I think I got maybe 4 hours on and off. The next morning, you were perking up and almost back to your sweet little self. We had quite the time trying to keep you confined to a bed because of your catheter and IV. I honestly don’t know how we did it?! Dr. Nguyen came by fairly early and gave the go-ahead to take your catheter out, then a little while later, after you had shown that you were drinking enough fluids, your nurse let you off your IV to go run around. FREEDOM!! Oh man did you take advantage of those long, wide hospital hallways! You entertained the idea of the playroom a couple times but the hallways were where you wanted to be. Talk about a social butterfly! You were all over the place, waving at everyone who walked past, giving high-fives, and impressing folks who don’t expect to see such a little tike running around in a little purple hospital gown Daddy and I loved walking just a few steps behind you, watching you interact. I hope you never lose the ability to engage with people. You can’t help but brighten people’s days and I love that about you!

You were discharged early in the afternoon after you were able to eat, pee, and take your pain meds orally. It was so great to get you home and snuggle with you some more on the couch by the Christmas tree. I think the time in the hospital was extraordinarily bonding for the three of us. You’ve been extra cuddly and attached to both Daddy and I. You give hugs and kisses so freely these days and want to be with us even more than before. We L-O-V-E it! I hope you felt and know the comfort that Daddy and I did and will always provide for you. Being a parent is like nothing else in the world. Being your source of safety and comfort is one of the best feelings ever.

We will always do what we can to put your best interest ahead of ourselves. We will be your advocates, your protectors, and your biggest fans. We’d sleep in the most uncomfortable conditions if it meant being where you need to be. We’ll fight back wooziness and fear of needles or blood if it means you won’t have to be alone and scared in a hospital room. That’s what mommies and daddies do.

You are worth all of it.

We love you and continue to pray for healing for your little body!

Mama

I took you to Discovery Park a couple days ago, and you loved it! There were HUGE hills to climb, and you just went up and down them the whole time… not crawling, but climbing, on your feet, because you are crazy.

Here’s to many, many more days in the park

Love you buddy.

Happy Birthday baby boy!! I feel like I should be saying “I can’t believe you are one”, but the truth is, it feels pretty right on. While the past year does feel like it went by fast, it also feels right on time. There is a picture of you on the day you were born hanging in your room and looking at it, it doesn’t even seem like the same little boy. It’s pretty remarkable what happens in the first year of life. You go from this little 7lb bundle of snuggliness to a silly, active, little boy running around the house saying, “wsat?” (what’s that) as you point to everything you see. You know how to make me and Daddy laugh by dancing, spinning, making funny faces, nearly doing a somersault from a little yoga pose you made up, or just sitting and playing with your toys. You also know how to throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want. I think it’s a little early for that dude…

We spent this past weekend in California visiting your birth families and celebrating your birthday with them. You were obviously the center of attention and had an audience every minute of each day! I loved watching you show off all your new “tricks” and watching their responses to the fun things you do now. You are such a joy and a light and it was so apparent how much your birth families adore you.

Our day with the Kelloggs was spent partly hanging out at the mall where you rode a carousel for the first time! To say you enjoyed it would be an understatement! Aaron rode it standing next to you as you sat on a brown bear (of course) and we could hear you laughing out loud over the music when you were on the completely other side of the ride. It was so fun to watch you enjoy something so much. You are a thrill seeker, that’s for sure! That evening, Aaron’s family all came together for dinner and his mom decorated for your birthday and brought yummy cupcakes! You did not hesitate one bit to dig in to that sugary goodness You opened your gifts and entertained the family until we had to call it a night and get you to bed (you did not sleep well that whole trip!)

The next day, we went to Erin’s for breakfast, you opened gifts, and then took a nearly 3 hour nap! Ha! When you woke up, we went to Panera for lunch and then went back to her house where you played and played and played. Again, you kept the room smiling and laughing just by being you. We had some yummy Mexican food for dinner then you got to dig in to a piece of homemade birthday cake, which you devoured, and made it completely necessary for a bath! Erin loves to take pictures and she got some adorable ones of you enjoying your special day.

I love that we can visit your birth families. They all love you very much and I am so glad that you will grow up knowing that!

Today, well, we didn’t really have much planned as far as a big birthday celebration. Your actual party is this Sunday, so today we relaxed and enjoyed family time together. Daddy and I took you out for your first birthday lunch at Joe’s Farm Grill. You had grilled cheese and ran around in the dirt under the trees. Right before we were leaving, a little boy about three years old came up and started talking to you and running around. You immediately locked eyes on him and began chasing him. You just ran around, laughing, and being silly. Daddy and I couldn’t help but just sit back, watch, and giggle. I love that you are starting to really interact with other little kids and enjoy having fun with them. You are so great!

Tonight, we had a good homemade dinner and played with all your new birthday gifts. The Kelloggs sent you a slide for the backyard, so Daddy put that together and you hopped right on and slid down all by yourself! You are fearless! We love it You also got some phone calls from Aunt Kari (and Eli), Alexis and fam (and the Allans), and you Skyped with Grammy and Pa. So fun having all the people who love you want to wish you a happy birthday!

You are one year old, but I still carried you upstairs tonight and rocked you to sleep, just like I’ve done every other night this year. That might be one of my most favorite things about your first year. I’ll rock you as long as you’ll let me. Babies don’t keep… Pretty soon you’ll go to bed all by yourself and you won’t want to sit on my lap and snuggle in. You’ve pretty much taken the lead on letting go of things such as your pacifier, and also deciding when you’ll sleep through the night without having to do any sleep training, so I’ll just leave it up to you when you want to be done rocking. If you’re still in, I’m still in. I love it.

Well, my Griffster, your birthday is coming to a close but the celebrating is not over yet. We have your party to look forward to and also this Saturday is your finalization hearing! Everything with the adoption will be signed, sealed, and delivered and you will officially become a Guard forever and ever. Although it hit me a few times today that we were not able to be a part of your birth day, we will never hold back from celebrating your LIFE and thanking Erin and Aaron for their sacrificial love. We look forward to your finalization, as sort of another “birth day”, when our family will celebrate God’s design for adoption for families as well as the world. What a picture of His grace!

I couldn’t imagine life any other way than with you as our son. I’ve waited so long to celebrate a 1st birthday, and I’m honored that today, as your mommy, I got to thank God for YOU, my Griffin Isaac.

With all my love,

Mama

You see, Daddy is all about reading books, wrestling, tickling, building forts and going for walks. Good times. So when I try to put you down for a nap, you’re usually not having it. You see me, you see a party.

This was you and me about 15 minutes into me trying to put you down for a nap. Mommy came in and rocked you to sleep, and she shot me a glance that made me feel like I was in trouble!